Time's fun when you're having flies!

You may be thinking "Huh?" Okay...that's Kermit's version of "Time flies when you're having fun!" =o)

Before you even start reading this....it's LONG. It took me a couple of days to write it, because this isn't my normal inspirational type of blog. It comes from much deeper in my heart. One reason is because it started off with me thinking about Zachary's birthday coming up....and he will probably wish I hadn't spoke of him like this here, but all I have to say is: "Son, you'll understand when you have kids!"

Here goes:
Today I was typing an email to my friend and boss, Tina D, and was lamenting the fact that my BABY is about to turn FIFTEEN. Just a few days ago he was 6! It's not so much that I feel old, but just a rough reality bite on the rapid passage of time. It was then that it hit me....time is passing too fast in one area in my life, and seemingly, not fast enough in another.

I was then reminded of an email that Michelle C sent me of Rick Warren (author of "Purpose Driven Life") speaking about "the purpose of life". Full text here. In it he said, "Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ-likeness."

His wife was diagnosed with cancer and to this he said, "I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you got to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.

And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for. You can focus on your purposes, or....... you can focus on your problems. If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is "my problem, my issues, my pain." But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others."

I really like what he said about the railroad tracks. I can't think of a single time in my life when everything was good or everything was bad. There's always been a little of both...sometimes one more than the other. Yeah, this cancer is bad. But it could be worse! I still have soooo much to be thankful for (see 'Spaghetti Legs and Thankfulness' post).

So, tying this together....I began to think about how fast time is passing when I look at Zachary and try to remember him as a little boy. Oh I have tons of memories....but it seems they are all in a blur. (I need to watch some video of him!) This whole 'turning-15' thing is just really hitting me hard. I want time to S L O W D O W N!!

Then I think of this cancer mess I'm mucking through and I want time to SPEED UP! Come on Feb 10th, let's get this over with! Let's get through this radiation!

But the truth is....I can't control either. All I can do is live each day and make the most of it. I love the quote that says, "Life isn't measured in the number of breaths you take, but the number of moments that take your breath away." and also "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, but about learning to dance in the rain."

Not trying to be morbid, but the fact is...some of you will attend my funeral, and I will attend the funeral of some of you. What do we want the dash on our tombstone to represent? My goal is to breathe my last breath at peace with God....and myself. However, I fail often, with God and myself. I'm so thankful for His grace!! I am also thankful for the forgiveness of family and friends when I fail them. I hope I have made right any wrong I have every done to anyone.

What do we want the preacher to say over us? Ya know, really, we preach our own funeral.....ever go to a funeral where what was being said didn't match the person you knew? I don't want that to happen to me. I know the things I want to be true of me, one being that I lived life to its fullest.

I'll be the first to admit - I struggle with this! I tend to think "when this happens, then I'll...." But we do not have the promise of tomorrow....not even of the rest of the day. How well do I know the difference a day makes!

Someone sent me this: Realizing the value of TIME:

To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a pre-mature baby.
To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of ONE DAY, ask a daily wage laborer with kids to feed.
To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train.
To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident.
To realize the value of ONE MILLI-SECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.

The question is....what are we doing with the time we have? Am I waiting for something to happen? Am I thinking everything will be better later? What am I missing now while I'm waiting? Am I holding on to the past whether it be mistakes, offenses or even memories?

A smart person said, "DON'T POSTPONE JOY". I agree. Why wait? Enjoy that moment NOW, because you may never get it again. Maybe I made a mistake, but I need to learn from it. I can't change it, so I'll just not do it again. Maybe someone did me wrong, I need to get over it. If I hold on to it then I am allowing that person or that situation to control me. It takes a bigger person to let it go. Maybe good things have happened in the past, and I am waiting around for it to happen again. Maybe it will and maybe it won't. But what am I missing while I'm waiting?

Some might wonder why I wanna have a party after chemo...why not wait till all my treatment is over? Well, the truth is, I've celebrated after every treatment - not a party, but a celebration in my own way. Those who know me well, know I don't need much excuse to celebrate! Why postpone joy?

Ya know, He came to give me life....but not just life...life MORE ABUNDANTLY! This is it, folks, one life, that's all. Why just live when you can live abundantly! To live abundantly, I must ask myself the question often, "Is what I'm doing right now helping me reach the goals I've set for myself?" If not, I've got to have the guts to change my course. I can't sit and wait for tomorrow hoping things will be better. It may be worse....and I've wasted that moment.

I can't change the past, but I can change my future....by changing my today. So today... I choose JOY. I choose to LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN AND LOVE MUCH. I choose to dance in the rain. I choose to forgive and let go. I choose life more abundantly.

I know this has been long and rambling, and really....this was more for me than anyone. As our music director says, "I know me better than anyone." I know the things I struggle with and if you read this, now you do too. This was a sermon to myself, but I know I'm not the only person who deals with some of these issues. If you do, I hope something I said will help you too.

My wise mother always told us, "If you learn from other people's mistakes, you don't have to learn so many on your own." Oh my, how I have learned that to be true!! My sweet Daddy always admonished me to "not be in such a hurry to grow up." But I was... and sometimes I still get in that same hurry for time to pass. I'm trying, Momma and Daddy!

"...I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." John 10:10b